


Forget What I Said

by lukeinallhisglory



Series: Cake [20]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Boys In Love, Established Relationship, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Making Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:35:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24299716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lukeinallhisglory/pseuds/lukeinallhisglory
Summary: The one where Calum wants to apologize to Luke
Relationships: Luke Hemmings/Calum Hood
Series: Cake [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/334693
Kudos: 9





	Forget What I Said

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like it, let me know what you think as always. 
> 
> Title from "Falling" by Harry Styles

I opened the door to find Calum standing there, his hair curly, wrapped up in his fluffy winter coat. “Hi,” he breathed, and it was swaddled in so much intimacy and fondness that it kind of bowled me over. 

“Hey.”

He was so heartbreakingly beautiful standing in front of me, his cheeks pink from the cold, the dark green of his hoodie peaking out. “I need to talk to you,” he said softly. Every word was rounded off and familiar coming out of his mouth, all the corners snipped in that way that was so _him_. I felt something click inside me at that moment, the last piece of confirmation I needed to realize that I would do anything to hear him say he needed me again. It was all a bit fucked up now, too many fights born out of both of our fears that we cared too much, more than the other, more than we should. The last time I’d looked at his beautiful face I’d told him to grow up, get over himself, all just fear and insecurity bleeding out as anger.

“Ok, come inside, I’m cold.” What I wanted to say was _I was an idiot to think I could ever live without you._

He followed me in, dropping his coat on a kitchen chair. “So,” he started simply, letting out the word in an anxious sigh. “I miss you.” The words were hushed and airy in that way that told me he was crying or had been. Both were equally heartbreaking. 

I sighed heavily, guilt swirling in my chest. “I don’t want to fight right now, Cal.” The words could be combative, but my tone fell somewhere closer to his: desperate, scared. 

“I’d honestly love to fight with you right now. In the end, it’s your decision, but I want to be honest with you. You were right. I was scared and defensive and I don’t want to be anymore because I miss you _so much_ , Luke. It’s fucking with my head because I don’t think about anything else and most of the time I feel like I can’t even breathe.” 

“I had no idea you felt that way,” I said softly, not nearly as much compelling conviction as he was producing. The last few months had been filled with so many moments like this, where I realized seemingly out of nowhere that Calum was just as in this as I was. He was just as deeply invested, just as unable to express it, just as scared, just as _stupid_. 

“That’s my fault,” he said, emotion pouring off him. He moved closer, hooking his fingers around mine as a tentative effort to insert some semblance of the level of physical intimacy that our interactions typically had. “I am so wholeheartedly yours and only yours, Luke. I wasn’t ready before, but I know that if I want you defensiveness and excuses aren’t enough.”

“I want to believe you,” I started, my fingers finding purchase on his face, my thumb rubbing along his jaw. I could feel the physical wrench in my gut as I touched him, and I couldn’t stop, I had to stop, I was going to catch on fire. As I looked at him I understood that he was the only person in the entire world who could look at me like that, and make me feel like this.

“But?” He prompted, leaning into the touch, practically purring.

“I don’t know. It’s not that I don’t, I just feel like you’re the one person in the world who could really level me. I don’t think I could function without you, and that really fucking scares me. It makes me feel stupid and weak. So I don’t know, I guess I don’t trust myself.”

“What are you afraid of, baby?” He whispered, hands running up my arms.

“That eventually you’ll get, I don’t know, bored.”

“Bored with what? You?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you think that little of me?” That question physically hurt, and the wounded expression painted across his beautiful features hurt even more.

“Of myself,” I mumbled as a response because I now felt sickeningly guilty. 

“Do you remember the first time I kissed you?” I didn’t say anything, and he continued. “I was,” he paused looking for the right word, “ _heartstoppingly_ anxious. I had no idea what you would say, but I couldn’t live for another second not knowing.”

“I remember,” I murmured. 

“Everything in my entire life has changed between now and then except for how I feel about you.”

I don’t even feel like I chose to move forward and kiss him in that moment, it was like I just had to. Being near him made me feel out of control, lost in the intimacy and affection. He kissed me back, taking a deep breath through his nose, releasing oceans of tension. His hands claimed purchase on my waist and amazingly the world didn’t screech to a halt.

“I am not going to get bored of you, Luke. God, I can’t even imagine a world in which I don’t love you anymore.”

“I’m sorry for all of those stupid things I said to you last week. There is nothing more worth giving up everything for than you.”

“I’m sorry too,” he murmured softly. He kissed me again, blisteringly, taking my face in his hands. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, let me know your thoughts and click through to my other stuff if you're interested.


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